I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
I'm really busy with my period
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