We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
