You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Sext me about skeletons
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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