I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
