i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
