i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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