Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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