just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Randomize
