Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
