Swine flu. Run for my life!
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
