I wish I could teleport
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
