Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
