We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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