"it" just moved
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
