Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
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