Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
