best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
