You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
