I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
