24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Just invented taco cereal.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
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