you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
