I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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