Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
