We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
