Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
