I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
