Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
