So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
