I can feel you judging me through the phone.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
