I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
