you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Randomize
