Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Randomize
