Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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