She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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