Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
