cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
