bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Randomize
