just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Randomize
