saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
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Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
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