I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
