evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
So vagazzling was a success
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