I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
