Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
