I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
