Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
You dont lie about slip and slides
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
