I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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