I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
