barbara walters just said penis...
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
