Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
