i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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