i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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