I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
