i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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