3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
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