he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Randomize
