I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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