i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
