i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
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