this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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